American Idol: Rubbish Generic Blonde Woman Out

Well, that whole ‘predetermined American Idol top four’ thing turned out to be blindingly accurate, didn’t it?

Just look at Alexis Grace. According to reports, Alexis Grace was going to be one of the last four contestants on American Idol. But that probably won’t happen any more, because last night Alexis Grace got voted off American Idol.

This means that Lil Rounds, Danny Gokey and Adam Lambert also aren’t as safe as they think they are. Especially Lambert, because his voice sounds like a malfunctioning pungi and it’s only a matter of time before he’s attacked by a venomous snake.

Nobody is safe on American Idol. Nobody at all. The judges aren’t safe, because every couple of weeks they’ll turn on each other like angry dogs. The viewers aren’t safe, because every time they sit down to enjoy a jaunty cover of Ring Of Fire they’re presented with the retina-scarring image of a man who looks like a leathery past-his-prime vampire rentboy performing what appears to be the soundtrack to a porno remake of Ali Baba And The Forty Theives.

And the American Idol contestants certainly aren’t safe. This was proved last night when Alexis Grace, one of the favourites to win the entire show, got voted off. People has more:

Favorite Alexis Grace, 21, wound up being the contestant destined to go home, thanks no doubt to an uncharacteristically strident performance of Dolly Parton’s “Jolene” on Tuesday. Because of the newly instituted Judges’ Save rule — and because the Mighty Four have always liked her so much — Alexis was permitted to sing an encore as Randy, Simon, Paula and Kara huddled together and discussed her fate.

But it wasn’t to be. No amount of confusingly elaborate fan-cheating rules designed expressly to rig the American Idol final could save Alexis Grace from elimination. So what went wrong? We’ve boiled it down to a few options:

1 - Maybe Alexis Grace just wasn’t as popular as everyone thought she was.

2 - Maybe, in an American Idol season featuring a widower, a blind man and - most tragically of all - a fat bloke with ginger hair, Alexis Grace just didn’t have a winningly tragic backstory. You can try and cover it up by sometimes wearing a hat, Alexis, but that’s not going to make us think that you’ve got leukaemia.

3 - There’s already an American Idol contestant named Megan Joy. If you have a contestant with the surname Joy and a contestant with the surname Grace, there’s a disgustingly high probability that they’ll end up forming an evangelical Christian folk duo, and the public knew they had to stop this no matter what the cost.

4 - Maybe it’s because, in her American Idol publicity photograph, Alexis Grace is sitting with her legs so far apart that it looks like she’s got an abrasive case of terminal thrush.

Or maybe it was just that she wasn’t very good last night. Either way, well done America. Lambert next, please.

source:
http://www.hecklerspray.com/american-idol-rubbish-generic-blonde-woman-out/200922477.php